A Rowboat At Sea

A few notes from a melody so long ago a favorite
A catch-phase that drifts through the air that once caused laughter
A partial memory half thought that drifts like snowflakes in a storm
I see the pale blue of your eyes reflected in a puddle
I hear that lilt of your voice from an overheard conversation
I awake and a dream lingers that we shared
Half asleep I feel your warm breath on my pillow
And see the outline of your hair
But I know that there is no dent in the mattress
I know that the space on the sheets is still cold
There is no voice that can call me
I only hear echoes of my own
No soft skin to reach out to
There is no “honey” when I’m home
Yeah, the eyes that I see now are not the eyes of reproach,
Disappointment
That look of displeasure
I don’t hear the disdain in your remembered voice
I don’t feel for the hand that pulled away
This wound is still open and bleeds
No matter how often its stitched
I try and keep it covered and hid
I’m not sure that it will ever heal
No matter how long I keep licking it
My eyes well up when I touch it
When I’m alone after dark
I miss you so deeply

Haiku’s for You

A gentle breeze turns the leaves away from reaching towards the sun
Late afternoon in a damp field
Where the wheat has gone fallow, wild
No longer a home for grouse or pips waiting to feed on
Hairy heads of barley
The stream’s water slowly moves silt along its bed catching on rocks
With a memory of children playing on the bank
And trout holding their own against the flow
Waiting for flies to land in pools in which they waited
There had been famine hiding within the furrowed land
Moisture rose along the lines of the damp grass tops
A single copse of broken branched trees
Knowing more than nature should have allowed
A lone brave bird called out
There is no answer
Men had once hid among those now silent trees
Waiting
An advancing group of boys didn’t see the sunset
They last looked upon the flash
And felt the burning pain rip through their tunics
Worms are the only thing fed by the fields as fall approaches
Somewhere wolves brought down a doe and her faun
And eat ripped flesh on the bone
The pack will move into the hills to winter
When the wind ceases at sundown
The tree’s leaves will again turn to what sun light that is left

Letters from Afar

Turning from black to white
Or fading into gray
A moist lover’s kiss turning dry
Music fading over the horizon
Smoke drifting over the dim lamp
He walks away from shadows cast by a car’s lights
Muttering something about shaving
As he reaches up to touch his face without thinking
That single star in house’s window
Catches his eye
She’s most likely sitting watching some movie
There is no rain
There may be clouds, but he can’t see the sky
He’s not looking
The shadow that had followed him
Began to crawl out in front
As he silently passed under a street light
He thought of the cards in solitaire
A black number on a higher red card
And he saw what he needed
On the three that he turned over
The black nine lay behind the red seven
He could cheat, but was that really winning

One More Wet Kiss

He heard the soft crunch of the frozen snow underneath his feet
He saw the light flickering from the parking lamp
Lighting the edges of the falling flakes
He bent down and felt the cold ground become wet at his touch
He could smell the crisp air that he saw briefly before him
He knew what was growing within him
And it wasn’t a sense of well being
She whispered into a gentle wind
As gleaming snowflakes melted on her skin
Her large moist eyes were from Zhavago
Longing for long forgotten references
The beautiful mask that she used
No longer held back the stratosphere
It had been eaten away by acid rain
Pretty was not her adjective anymore
Time tested came to mind
The color in her eyes had faded with her time
However, there were years left in her sight
He wanted to replace this winter wonderland
With the sandy beach that they had last visited
Who had said what two weeks before
Didn’t matter there
The day’s heat had matched the night’s
Geckos lightly running through the shrubs
Slightly making the leaves move
Mirrored the way that they had laughed at his stupid jokes
Standing together on the edge of the peer
Watching the sun play with reflections on the sea
Of well being and the sense that they had shared
That at that moment all would be as lasting as their
Kiss

Screaming in the night again

note: sorry for the language, but ...

Each cell screams out in pain
Madness sits just behind my tearing eyes
She came to me again last night
Dancing on the white moonlight
In gossamer clothes
Her hair was soft and long
Framing her face in shadows
Her smile invited me to join her
But her eyes were not blue like a Carolina sky
They were steel gray and hard
Tearing into my broken soul
When I reached for her she was gone
Faster than an instant
I stood gazing over the precipice into black
Nothing
Geez, he thought, as he put the book, Rushing Into Madness, aside
That guy is fucked up
Why would anyone read this shit

For Abby

I don’t know what enabled fates had you enter through my doorway
You were wanted and wished for
Dragged into existence
Kicking and screaming, colicy, jaundiced, days and nights mixed up
Setting you on the window ledge
Watching you sleep, just to check
Only nursing, fearing that whole summer because I could not
Your young lungs true tested all of those long days
Then
Clear big pale green eyes, always watching
Your fear or hatred of water
Bath time battles, like trying to wash a cat
Screams rushing through open windows
Hoping that the neighbors wouldn’t call authorities
Then
Sandy hair soaking in the sunshine, glowing
Stroller walking for hours
Parenting by diversion, hoping beyond hope that I’d open your mind
Reading you just one more story
Somewhere-time musical notes entwined with out shared DNA
Bonded us together, a life long love
Holding your hand the first day of kindergarten
No hesitation as you let go to walk in through that door
That screaming past seemed so long ago
Then
Skipping around the country, you were willing to travel on
Even as your mother and brother weren’t
Social, open to new friends, who were always your best ones
Long haired little girls, smiling as through the sun lived in your teeth
Dancing, swimming, gymnastics, the beginning of a full-contact life
Good-byes and hello’s
Then
You shot the basketball into the hoop
You made all of the stars in school
Your open acceptance of me when your friends asked you why
I was not like the other daddies
You scored all of the firsts from grade school
And this was just the first of firsts
Repeated in high school, repeated in college
Then
It all seems fast-forwarded, your beaming open acceptance
Continue on large pale-eyed traveler
Seeking, searching, questing, learning,
We’re all a better people because of your existence

A Light

Snow fell like the whispers in the back of the room
When she entered
Accumulating
Susan would just dig out again and wait for the warmth
Of the daylight to melt it all away
Music danced down the street
And couldn’t even be silenced by the cold winter’s wind
It was Thursday and his night
He could have his two malts and enjoy the tunes
A good song was like a good draft
Enjoyed while listening/drinking
But left around too long it would go flat
His thoughts were interrupted by the unlined young voices next to him
A low rumble about something Susan had done
She was a friend of his
Friends are better than diamonds
Diamond worth is artificially controlled by just a few
Friends are like the beauty of the night sky
Owned by all
Starshine was a gift
The TV was blaring a news item
A cheetah was found by a farmer just on the other side of his fence
It wasn’t dead on the face of Kilamenjaro
Just a lifeless fur coat tangled up in wire in the dust
The smooth browed environmentalists were up in arms about the loss
Of habitat
They were picketing the farmer for encroachment
A body lay dead in an alley
It didn’t even have a fur coat
A shopkeeper complained about the smell
No one knew its name
But shoppers had seen a homeless person hanging on the corner
Just days before
No one picketed the alley
As he left the bar the first few snow flakes began to fall
He felt the cold uniqueness of each flake hit his face
An individual flake is lost in the crowd that falls
And either melts on contact or is smashed together with the rest
Susan waited for the phone call that wouldn’t come
She stared blankly out of her window
Doing the dishes
Disconnected
A slow smile crept over her face
The stars made the sky not so dark